And So She Waited Read online

  "Remy!" Raven yelled. She waved her arms around like an idiot, and then cringed at the face he gave her in return.

  He pushed his way through the multitude of coffee addicts and made his way to the table she had snagged. She'd come early just to ensure they had a table in a relatively private corner to talk about where their relationship was going. After several minutes of pushing and shoving, he finally sat across from her. He was genuinely breathtaking. Raven would never feel for another what she felt every time she looked into Remy's mesmerizing eyes. She shook herself to retract from her daydreams. There would be plenty of time for ogling later.

  "You made it,” she said. “Why were you late? I texted you like three times to see what was keeping you."

  "I didn't want to deal with the distraction of answering my phone. I was on my way. You didn't need to text me several times, Raven. I said I would meet you and I'm here."

  Raven pursed her lips. She wanted to push further but she didn't want to anger him any more than he already was.

  "Sorry, I just worry when I can't get a hold of you. That’s all," Raven said.

  "Well, don't. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself."

  "Okay baby, I don't want to fight. I just want to enjoy a nice lunch with you. I missed you. I haven't seen you all weekend."

  Raven reached out to grab Remy’s hand, but once her hand touched his, he jerked it away. His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed into tiny slits.

  "What the hell are you doing, Raven? You know we don't do that type of shit in public," Remy hissed.

  Raven tried hard to swallow the sudden lump in her throat. Her vision blurred and her eyes stung.

  "Remy, I—"

  "No, Raven. Listen. I have some things to tell you that should have been said a long time ago. This," Remy pointed to Raven and himself, “is over. It's not working. We want two very different things and I have no intentions of settling down with you. We aren't meant for each other."

  The tears building up in Raven’s eyes streamed freely down her cheeks. "What? I don't understand. You were meant for me.”

  "No, I'm not,” Remy said, annoyance marking his voice. “Listen, you’re a nice girl but I'm just not looking for anything serious. I'm not interested in a girlfriend. We need to end this thing between us. You obviously can't deal with the fact that I'll never be exclusive. And your feelings are developing too strongly. Whatever you thought we had, we didn’t. I didn’t make any promises and I didn't want any in return. I'm sure the guy for you is out there somewhere. But that guy isn't me. I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll see you around campus, yeah?"

  And with those parting words, Remy Peters ripped Raven’s heart right out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and stomped it into bloody, broken pieces.

  "Remy!"

  Raven shot off her seat and threw herself on Remy.

  "Don't do this, babe,” she pleaded. “Please! I love you so much. Tell me how to fix this. What did I do wrong? Please don't go. I need you."

  "Raven, stop making a fool of yourself. It's over," Remy said. He pried Raven off of him and left.

  Raven sat in the middle of Starbucks with tears streaming down her face. She was wrecked. Remy Peters had wrecked her and he didn't even bother to pick up the pieces of her shattered soul. Raven couldn't breathe. She wasn't getting enough air. She tried desperately to pull in gasps of oxygen but she couldn’t get her body to work. She started to see black spots dancing in her vision moments before her entire world went dark.

  Raven woke up surrounded by gawkers. What the hell was going on? She was supposed to meet Remy… Remy. Everything rushed back to her with a vengeance. He had broken up with her. She couldn't do this right now. She had to get out of this place. She needed to go home.

  "Ma'am, are you okay?" a man asked.

  "I'm fine. I need to go," Raven breathed.

  "Are you sure you're okay, Miss? Do you need for us to call an ambulance?" the man asked.

  "No, I'm okay. I just— I just need to go home."

  The man helped Raven to her feet and to the bus stop so she could go home. Raven thanked him once again and then let her thoughts wonder. Remy had actually broken up with her. She was still in shock. She felt her body shutting down in her grief. It was too much. The pressure was building and threatening to drown her in her feelings. She needed to let it out. Where was that fucking bus? She needed to get home before she lost consciousness again. She didn't want to go to a hospital. She wouldn't be able to do what she wanted to do in a hospital. She needed her own space. She needed the kit she had tucked away after a few weeks of being with Remy. Shit, she needed to stop thinking about him for a moment.

  Raven focused on her breathing while waiting for the world's slowest bus to arrive. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. That was all Raven focused on for the next ten minutes. Finally the bus had arrived. She just needed to keep her shit together for 30 more minutes. Then and only then could she fall apart. It was hard. One of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. It was harder than perfecting every move in ballet. She had started to tremble from the strain of keeping her emotions in check. Her eyes stung like someone had sprayed her with an entire bottle of pepper spray. Only a little while longer, she told herself.

  How could he have done this to her? NO! She couldn't think about it. It was too much. The pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the anger; it was too much. It wasn't over—she wouldn't, she couldn't let him go. Not without a fight. Even as those thoughts flowed through her head, the pain of the day threatened to consume her. She needed to let some of it out in the only way she knew how.

  Raven fumbled with the keys to her door, and struggled to turn the lock through the tears. She could barely see through the storm. She stumbled inside and barely remembered to stop long enough to lock the door behind her. She needed her kit. She dove under the bed and retrieved what she knew still lingered there, all the time taunting her. Today she wasn't strong enough. Remy had taken all her strength. She pulled the old, black box out carefully and then closed herself up in her bathroom. She retrieved the razor blade that had been carefully wrapped inside the box, took off her shirt, and sliced six neat cuts into her side.

  With each cut her vision cleared a little. She was no longer consumed with grief. It was becoming somewhat manageable. But it still hurt to think about. Almost two years she had given him and in the course of 10 minutes he had ripped her heart from her chest. The more Raven thought about it the more she wanted to find that place where nothing mattered. Not her life, not ballet, and certainly not Remy fucking Peters.

  Raven awoke to a loud pounding on her door. Shit! What time was it? She could barely make out a muffled yelling from behind the door. She checked herself out in the bathroom mirror. God, she was a train wreck. Dried blood was everywhere. She couldn't let anyone see her like this. She stuffed the blade back into the box and hid it back under her bed. She then quickly jumped in the shower to scrub herself down. The pounding never stopped. She was surprised the door hadn't been ripped off the hinges yet.

  Raven rushed out of the shower and found her robe. She was still dripping wet by the time she yanked the door open to reveal a very pissed off Matthew Masterson. She really didn't need this on top of the shit day she'd had already. She was about to tell him to go away when he shoved his way inside. Fuck me! Raven thought to herself. She was going to have to keep her shit together and get him out of here as quickly as possible. She wasn't done with her pity party and she wasn't looking to invite any more fucking guests. One was enough.

  Chapter 5

  She was insane! He had really dodged a bullet from having to dealing with her. Remy couldn't believe the scene Raven had caused at Starbucks. What the hell was wrong with that bitch? She was insane! How did he miss the amount of crazy she had been carrying around the last year and a half? What the fuck was wrong with him? He needed to be a bit more selective in his future hookups. He had never had this issue before; then again, he had never maintained anything this long wit
h any of the other girls. What had he been thinking? What had made Raven so special? He couldn't think of anything off the top of his head. He just knew he needed to keep his distance from her, and her psychotic ass friend, Matt, as well.

  He was still pissed about that little confrontation as well. Who the fuck did Matthew Masterson think he was? How dare he try to tell Remy what to do? Stay away from Raven, he'd said. Remy didn't take orders from anyone. Had he not already been ready to break things off with Raven, whatever Matt had to say wouldn't have made one bit of a difference. In fact, those two psychos could have each other. They seemed like a perfect fit. Remy made his way back to campus. He was so lost in his thoughts that he ran right into Casey and Stacey. Shit, why were they still hanging out together?

  "Whoa Remy, slow down. Where's the fire?" Casey teased.

  "Not in the mood right now, Cass," Remy said.

  "What, problems with the little lady?"

  "She's not my fucking girlfriend, Casey. How many times do I have to explain it to you? I'm not in the mood for your shit right now. Move."

  "Remy, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Stacey asked.

  "No, I'm not. Raven is fucking cuckoo for cocoa puffs. She made a huge scene when I told her we couldn't be together anymore. She was crying and yelling all over the place. She threw herself at me for god sakes!"

  Both girls' mouths dropped open.

  "You can't be serious,” Stacey said. “Surly she wouldn't make that big of a fool out of herself. In public no less."

  "As a heart attack," Remy deadpanned. "Why the hell would I make something like that up? The girl is unstable and I for one am glad I don't have to deal with her particular brand of crazy anymore. Now if you both will excuse me, I'm going to try to get through the rest of my class, go home, take a long, hot shower, and try to put this entire shit day behind me."

  The girls called after him but he ignored them. He just wanted this day to end. Hell, he wanted to go back to freshman year and completely start over with Raven Sinclair. He didn't know if it was her spectacular swimming ability or the fact that she was a magnificent dancer that had drawn him to her more. He could still recall the way she gracefully swayed to the music of Swan Lake. The beauty of it had hypnotized him. The dedication she had shown to her craft. He had admired her determination, concentration, and skill. It was as if she were born to dance. Her body had been one with the music and the unaltered exquisiteness of it had almost brought him to tears. It was as if she danced not only to the melody but to her own siren's song as well.

  Holy shit, he sounded like a fucking sap. So what—she could dance. She had only been doing it her whole life. To not be able to after that long would have been unfortunate. What was it about Raven that had gotten under his skin? Why didn't he end things with her months, hell even a year ago? It wasn't as if he'd treated her any differently than any other girl, so why was it that he didn't feel the need to set clearer boundaries? He didn't know how to discern what he was feeling. He didn't get hung up on girls. Ever. And if he did, it wouldn’t be someone like Raven. It would never be Raven. Not after what he had witnessed at the coffee shop. She needed help and it wasn't the kind he could give her. He was not a Psychology major. He wasn't even empathetic or sympathetic.

  A lot of the girls had told him he was cold as ice. That he had no heart. They said it "teasingly" but he didn't think they were teasing. It was a front to cover up how they really felt. They also didn't want to push him away by appearing too needy. It was as if they knew that any show of emotions would send Remy to the next girl. The girls he dated were selfish; they wanted his attention for as long as they could hold it. Raven had managed to hold it for a year and a half. That was until he had laid eyes on Stacey. He probably wouldn't have thought of leaving Raven, even with occasionally hooking up with Casey. But there was a spark in Stacey. The same spark that had initially drawn him to Raven. Stacey had a passion about her photography. The same one Raven had about ballet and dance.

  Something about their obsession had lured him in like a bee to honey. The ambition and desire on their faces when they were so focused on what they were doing, that nothing else in the world mattered. Remy would see those things in Raven's eyes when she looked at him at times. Like he was the only person in the world. It was addicting to be someone's fascination. Having their world centered on you like you were the answer to all of their problems. No wonder he hadn't made any moves to leave her. But in the last few months, the light in Raven's eyes had become frantic. It was wild and desperate, untamed. It wasn't fun anymore. In fact, what he had seen earlier that day was downright frightening.

  It was like she had turned into another person. As if someone had taken over her soul. She hadn't started out like that. She was sweet, cute, funny, an amazing swimmer, and an animal in bed. They had gotten along great for the first four months. There was no pressure. No restraints, or expectations. It was just two people enjoying each other's company when they had free time. Then the phone calls and text messages started. It started out as one or two, but soon became unbearable. Sometimes Remy would have to turn his phone off.

  Remy walked down the path with his shoulders hunched and his head down. He was just ready to go home. Fuck it. He could miss one day of class. It wouldn't hurt anything, and besides, he wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway. His mind kept roaming back to her and their time together before she had started to unravel. He made a sharp U-turn toward his car instead of afternoon classes. His head wasn't in the game today and the last thing he needed was some haughty professor trying to embarrass him in class on top of the shitty day he was having.

  It took Remy forever to get to his car, with all his friends managing to spot him on his way off campus and wanting to chat about future plans. Not today, he didn't have time to piss around. He managed to dodge the rest by taking the long route to his car but once he got there it was worth it. Now he could go home and rest in peace, for at least a little while. A lot of shit was rummaging through his mind, and he needed to think it all through before he lost his mind. He didn’t want to fall into the same madness that had consumed Raven.

  The long, uninterrupted shower was just what he needed. Remy could get used to this. He had turned his phone off in case Raven had snapped out of her psychosis long enough to try to contact him. He also didn't want to talk to Casey at the moment, either. They had been friends for years and had been casually hooking up since they were both 16. He loved her, but he wasn't in love with her. There was no way he’d ever date her, but they enjoyed a good roll in the sack every now and again. She was like his best friend and fuck buddy all in one. Their relationship had always been simple but she could be a real bitch sometimes. Most of the times she was like one of the guys, and then that extra X chromosome would rear its ugly head and she’d start spewing female nonsense.

  Remy didn't want to hear any of her girlie shit today. He wanted peace and quiet for the remainder of the night. Luckily, he didn't have classes scheduled for tomorrow so he was going to sleep in for once in his life and be lazy. Hell, he deserved it after this crap day he had. Nothing had ever disturbed him like Raven’s behavior at the coffee shop had. And the next time Matt came up to him making demands, he was going to kick the shit out of him. He should have done it today, but the asshole wasn't worth getting kicked off the swim team—or kicked out of school for that matter. But if Remy saw him on the street and the bastard had some shit to say, Remy was going to make it so he would never dance again, let alone walk properly.

  Stay away from Raven. You need to stop using her for your own selfish gain. She deserves better than you. The next time I catch you around her I'll kill you.

  Remy could still hear the little speech that Matt had clearly practiced before delivering it. His favorite line was the threat. As if Matt had ever won a fight in his sheltered little life. What a fucking prick!

  "Get a grip man," Remy murmured to himself. "You can't let them throw you off your game. They aren't important."

&nbs
p; Shit, now he was talking to himself. It seems the crazy had rubbed off on him as well. Remy went into the kitchen to put a meal together and settle into a movie. His heart sunk when he heard a knock at the door. Who the fuck is that? It better not be Casey or Raven.

  He cautiously made his way to the door, too afraid to call out. He didn't really want any company tonight, which was a first for him.

  "Who is it?" Remy asked, annoyed.

  "Remy, it's Stacey. Casey told me where you lived. I didn't see you on campus and you weren't at practice, so I came to check on you. I was worried. Can I come in?"

  Should he let her in or tell her now wasn't a good time? Fuck. Shit. This was what he had wanted: Stacey Nickels at his place. But it was a bad time.

  "Um Stacey, maybe now isn't a good time."

  Shit, he couldn't believe he was turning her away. Raven was fucking up his life.

  "Oh… okay. I understand. You want a little space. I was just making sure you were okay. You didn't seem yourself earlier. How about you call me in a few days or I'll just see you on campus."

  He heard her leave down the hallway. Dammit! He opened the door and called out her name.

  Chapter 6

  Matt examined the items discarded carelessly around Raven's living room. What the hell was wrong with her? It was like she was living in squalor. He shook his head in pity. She needed a fucking keeper.

  "What the hell happened?” he asked. She had gone to lie on her bed after he had pushed his way inside. She was currently looking up at the ceiling with a blank expression on her face. “You weren't in classes this afternoon and we have a final dance to go over."

  "I really don't need your shit right now, Matthew,” Raven said, exhausted. “If this is the only reason you came over you can feel free to leave now. I have other shit going on in my life besides our ballet final."